Wonder Child

I reflected for a long time on how to start this blog and explain how important it is to heal your inner child. Sometimes the most important thing to say is the hardest. Actually, we were all children once and there are still moments when all of us function from that energy. And there is nothing bad about it. We all cry like little children when we get hurt. And there is nothing bad about it either. But sometimes we do not know how to connect to playful part of ourselves because we spent too much time in roles and social norms, and yet, that is the only thing we actually need so that we do not neglect ourselves. When we do neglect it for too long it starts grabbing our attention in every possible way. That can even seem fine to us because we believe we are authentic, different but all along we are living a movie of wounded rebel adolescent that is totally absorbed in its suppressed grief.

Little child is authentic, it easily expresses its wants and not's; knows exactly what it likes or dislikes; it is curious and its whole world is magical. The moon is pinned to the sky only because of him, and every night invisible hand puts it there again to shine for him. The sea is salty because the same invisible person poured a truck of salt in it. The sun is born new every morning, only for him. Everything is alive, everything is new, magical and beautiful. And it loves everything. Because it thinks with the heart and reacts instinctively, intuitively. You do not believe me? Talk to a 5 year old and ask it about the moon. Children of this age are not logical, their thought patterns are not linear because they haven’t developed these intellectual skills. However, when that child is hurt or its emotional development is hindered in anyway, this logically illogical way of thinking stops being creative and starts being a source of unconscious pain. Usually with a good reason. Program that emerges then has a primary function to help overcome threatening situation, to help survive. Then we forget about it a little bit and that role becomes a part of us, we forget we ever were children. We forget those moments that shocked and hurt us out of our wits. So we become little warriors fighting against dark forces lurking under our beds. Sometimes that is a lot easier than accepting that someone who should take care of you, hurts you. Because, you might cry, and what if you never stop, and you are not a child anymore? That is a lot easier than admitting you hate your parent. That is what child really feels when it is hurt and it expresses it easily, doesn’t it? But how can it say that when that is it’s parent and there is nowhere to run? Than ’I hate you’ is also a lot easier than accepting that underneath it all, you still love your parent, and you continue to do so through all unhealthy relationships you ever had, because you are looking for him everywhere. In spite of everything, it still is your parent and it is only natural for children to love their parents even when they are sick. And then you do not understand yourself very much, nor do you know which part of you is doing this because all you can think about is how could that have happened to you in the first place? And why you? When we have a toothache, we can only think about it, and that is natural. Since this is not a tooth, and we have to function, we suppress this pain a bit and there we are, in the circle again. We become a rebel, an addict, superstar, book worm, peacemaker, councilor, obsessive, compulsive, sexually inhibited, promiscuous etc. We become our role rather than who we really are. Blocked, sick, unhappy, tired. Because we are wasting our energy to hide our pain. The child in you does not know better, nobody thought him. In the same way it was seeking its parents attention or was defending itself from their disease, it is seeking the attention of its adult self now. It does not know how to say ’Love me. Notice me. I want to be important to you. Accept me. I am lonely. I exist. Love me the way I am.’ So it plays a role play. Playboy, cowboy, Indian, Mohawk, soldier, barbarian, bully, victim, adulterer, aggressor.

Sometimes it is all about getting full attention of our parents and the child understands very early they can be manipulated when they are feeling guilty. So it continues with this behavioral pattern, only because it can, only because nobody talked to it and explained it is not good to hurt oneself and others. It is not important if you manipulate with words, behavior, money or energy. Until you understand how and why you do it, life will be bringing back manipulative people to you. Until you learn how to place boundaries for yourself first, you can be Wizard from Oz, you will be hurting your own integrity and your Soul will not erase that karma only because you have the skill of astral projection.

And then sometimes, we do not know how to forgive our parents because someone else has hurt us and they did not know how to react to that. Because they were children inside themselves too.

This is all so logical and easy to say but too heavy to fix. The nature of pain is to hurt and nobody likes to go there again. But the paradox is that we are in it all along and we are reliving survival of that pain without knowing it. We are living the life of pain and others are our mirrors that reflect it back to us. Authentic, uninhibited wonder child is not living in the pain. Whole world is its playground built only for its convenience. It is safe in it and feels good in its own skin. When it is not blocked by pain, it is creative and it knows only of growth because it feels loved. It has confidence in its Divine Father and Divine Mother, and knows they are only thinking about its happiness and they will give him everything it needs. It is not hurting anyone because it would not hurt itself. For little child everything is a part of him. But it knows boundaries because it wont accept to feel bad.

My clients do not like to go back to childhood memories which are part of regression sessions I do. They all want to go to a fairy tale, or even a horror movie, anything but feeling what they are trying to hide. And then they want me to get them to fly in the Universe. But the Universe tells them ’NO! Not until you accept yourself!’ This is why you are here again. To change and integrate confusing roles and love yourself. What do you usually do with a child that is unreasonable, terrified, hurt? I do hope your answer is you hug it and say ’Everything will be OK.’ So, why don’t you do this for yourself?

I often hear from clients that those are not their problems anymore but of their parents. Maybe, but they are your lesson, this is why you choose them. And this lesson won’t be learned, it will block your development until you accept it, as well as the fact that your parents were your biggest teachers for it. It is quite possible that they won’t change and will continue to function from their roles and programs. But you will know now that they did not know better and you will be able to place boundaries on them even if that means you have to leave them where they are.

I worked for years to heal my wounded inner child. My family has a long tradition of alcoholism, codependency and aggression. Incurable disease was also there. I have spent years in Alanon (families of anonymous alcoholics) to be able to understand various behavioral patterns of addicts and their spouses. My parents did not give me much social skills and I had to rely on myself. They did not know how to love me, because they did not love them selves, so I had to learn that to. I have created myself from scratch, on my own, the way I wanted me to be, but I could not fix my relationships. It was always difficult to recognize inappropriate behavior towards me and place boundaries. I was always guilty for something, had to heavy responsibilities, and had to avoid aggressive outbursts by being invisible and smaller than an ant. Only when I understood some processes through hypnosis, expressed to my parents Souls how they made me feel and gave them back all the energy that was not mine, I was able to grow. Although, I am still learning how not to withdraw and hide my light away...

For the last 6 months I used self hypnosis to heal my wounded inner child to be able to share this with you without pain and know what is appropriate to use in sessions. This is not easy, it is very painful, it involves a lot of tears and accepting imperfections and prohibited emotions. But I had to learn how to work with you. I realized that sometimes all that has happened to us, held space for a healer that patiently waited to be woken up. It was actually always there, learning to heal by loving unconsciously all those sick people. And as a healing vessel, it is capable of perceiving everyone, whatever they do, from this new perspective and see little children in them seeking love and attention from their parent. Then it is also capable of connecting them to this love just by being present. Because this is all what a child ever needs, your presence. So, come, let's learn together how to be present for our own selves.